Amazon Prime Air
"The goal of this new delivery system is to get packages into customers' hands in 30 minutes or less using unmanned aerial vehicles."

  Death Metal English
Vastum write lyrics in Death Metal English: "Deprivations of the flesh / A quarantine in abject absence / Euphoria denied: dripping, unsated phantom limb"

I’ve identified some common traits of Death Metal English below: Use polysyllabic words, passive voice and progressive tense; maximize the number of adjectives and prepositional phrases; mix grandiloquent metaphor with archaic or pseudo-Biblical verbiage, even at the expense of making sense.

Death Metal English isn’t subject matter-specific. You can turn pretty much any phrase or sentence into fodder for a sick death metal song using the same tropes:

Normal English: “Thanks for explaining the train schedule”

Death Metal English: “PROFFERING GRATITUDE UPON THE CHRONOCRATION OF THE JUGGERNAUTS OF RETICULATED METALS AND FIRE”

Normal English: “You have to mow the lawn”

Death Metal English: “BRING DOWN THE SCYTHE OF GODS UPON THE NECKS OF THE GREEN-RIBBED LEGIONS AND SWEEP AWAY THEIR WRETCHED BODIES; THOU ART IMPLORED BY ME”

  When Jews Dominated Professional Basketball
Today many refer to stereotypes about black men to explain why they dominate basketball; in 1930, stereotypes associated with Jews were used to explain why they dominated professional teams.

Paul Gallico, the eminent sports editor of the NY Daily News wrote that “the reason that basketball appeals to Hebrews is that the game places a premium on an alert scheming mind, flashy trickiness, artful dodging and general smart-aleckness.” Players who lost to all-Jewish teams whined that the shorter Jews had “God-given better balance and speed.” Apparently, the short guys had the genetic advantage!

  I Hope My Father Dies Soon
"His mind is 98% gone, and all he has left is hours or possibly months of hideous unpleasantness in a hospital bed. I'll spare you the details, but it's as close to a living Hell as you can get.
(...)
His smallish estate pays about $8,000 per month to keep him in this state of perpetual suffering. Rarely has money been so poorly spent.

I'd like to proactively end his suffering and let him go out with some dignity. But my government says I can't make that decision. Neither can his doctors. So, for all practical purposes, the government is torturing my father until he dies."

  How to Make Chili Cheese Nacho Dip
An unintentionally depressing cooking video has been enhanced by sad music.

  Meet the Somalis
Comics about the experiences of Somali immigrants in northern Europe.

  older links