Theist quotes

This is a collection of theist quotes from various places. Many of the quotes are from atheist forums, which attract lots of theists, although usually not the brightest kind.

I really have to stress that these quotes are real, no matter how bizarre they seem. At least, every quote I've tried to verify has turned out to be real - that is, it was written by an actual theist, not meant as a joke, and not taken out of context (although some were probably written on a bad day). If you don't believe me, check for yourself. The alt.atheism quotes are especially easy to look up, as you can search Google Groups for the words in the quotes. Some quotes were found via fstdt.com.

Anyway, on to the quotes:

Quotes from alt.atheism

• Plagues are good and God knows this. Without them he couldn't teach us how to stop them. -- Jerry Myers
  
  

• I don't know how 'real' Noah was, or how real Jonah was either, but the signature of the Divine is all over their stories. Since I do things on a regular basis that defies the laws of physics, I can speak with some authority on the matter. -- vtailor
  
  

• Jesus rose from the dead - no Jew or Muslim did that. Please spare me the fact that Jesus was a Jew, which is true -- duke32
  
  

• Atheists are known for making absurd claims for which there is no documentation, or claims for which there is considerable documentation in the opposite directions. Or even claims for which there is absolutely no documentation and which all the documentation contradicts -- Reese
  
  

• You seem to be concentrating on all negative affects of infant mortality. As I said some babies are just to good to live in this world. -- skii
  
  

• All of man's pre-Judaic philosophies predate the Bible -- georgeann
  
  

• In response to: If god exists, he could very easily provide evidence of that fact.

  This fact itself proves the existence of God, for if He did not exist, it would be very difficult for anything resembling Him to provide such evidence. -- ernobe
  
  

• In response to: Why do you assume the Bible is correct?

  Because if we don't, then WHO WILL??? Something in this world has to be correct, why not the Bible? -- radelster
  
  

• Intolerance for other religions is a good thing. Especially if they are bad. -- hlvawter
  
  

• In response to: "To his pastor, he scrawled a five-page confession, which provided the whole story in detail of how he had done this grisly deed. He said his wife was sick and had been turning away from God. His daughter was doing the same. He had prayed for guidance, but God had not answered him. He feared that the conditions of the world would be harmful to his children's souls as they reached adulthood. Insisting that he had taken care to ensure that their deaths were not painful, List mentioned that John had put up a fight but had not suffered long. Then List had gotten on his knees and prayed for each one"

  He was doing what he thought was right. You can't say for sure that he really didn't save his children's souls. -- Bob Green
  
  

• It is not, however, our job to persecute, as the lord reserves this right. -- jlowrey539
  
  

• One does not have to read well, one merely must believe; often the mentally challenged are quicker to believe than others. -- Rosemond.com
  
  

• Your belief is reality. I've yet to see anybody prove that reality exists. -- Ted Seeber
  
  

• Atheism is a bizaare claim. I percieve it the same as if someone told me they could not make themselves invisible. -- Dr. Sinister
  
  

• I love human beings. You are not a human being, so I have no consideration towards you. -- John R.
  
  

• look at the queen ant and you will see God in action. The queen ant is like God in a way with all the ants working to keep her alive. -- patmine
  
  

• The evidence for creation is so overwhelming that even God says that there is not one bit of an excuse for not seeing it. -- Casey
  
  

• First of all, BSA does not discriminate against atheists. If an atheist wishes to acknowledge God and to live by His teachings, he will be more than welcomed in. -- Lester Phinney
  
  

• All the suffering of all humanity throughout the history of Earth can't even begin to compare to the suffering of just *one* lost soul. Any attempt to ease suffering on Earth is misguided. Those resources should be used to save souls. -- Bill M
  
  

• I don't hate the inferior races. -- Alex Vange
  
  

• And in fact, what is objective reality anyway, other than a myth that some people called scientists decide to believe in. -- Theodore Seeber
  
  

• I have born no false witness. You have, with your twisting of scripture and reality of God in ancient times. Why should anyone listen to me? Because I am Christ, simple enough. -- Dore Williamson
  
  

• As for the 'stories' in the Bible. They are all true... at least those that have happened. -- Jeremy Walker
  
  

• I sincerely believe that if a monkey hits a keyboard randomly,he will no be able to produce a Shakespeare drama even if he keeps on hitting it for all eternity. I am so sorry if you Atheists think otherwise.If you do,it must be because you are evil and undoubtly deserve to be burnt in Hell for all eternity. -- Arbiter
  
  

• What don't atheists like about OBEDIENCE? Is there any condition under which you could see yourself getting ON YOUR KNEES before another being and acknowledging that being as having ABSOLUTE authority to tell you what to do forever no matter what - and LIKE IT!? -- Mr. GoodSalt
  
  

• Atheists are stupid low life creatures. God doesn't mind atheists, atleast for now, lol. The day of retribution hasn't come yet. I hope it comes sooner, then i can watch all of them die! -- giggi999
  
  

• why do atheist so desperately try to hold on to reality? what are you afraid of? -- s67c
  
  

• I am not Mr. Goodsalt but I am going to answer this one anyway. Yes I would kill people that got in my way and were ruining my life if I knew I could get away with it. -- Skypher
  
  

• If you refute the Bible based on the fact that you don't believe there is a God, then all the "proof" I could give to you would be useless, because it is all biblically based. -- Light
  
  

• If a person is firmly settled that there is no God, no Heaven, no Hell, and no final Judgement, then that person must necessarily be a monster of Stalinian stature. -- Chris Vail
  
  

• A being appearing in the shape of a cloud, above the White House, Bicentennial Day, is NOT a mircle?? -- Yebedjiah Shetzic
  
  

• You're assuming that I would think being slaughtered was somehow bad. That would be your subjective opinion. Not everyone who is slaughtered thinks it is bad. -- Skypher
  
  

• I took 1st year high school algebra, which is all a person needs to know in order to prove Einstein and his disciples wrong. -- Robert Winn
  
  

• The mind can never follow the heart. It always tries to deceive people. Only when the mind is controlled and destroyed, can the heart truly shine. -- brze
  
  

• In response to a request to provide evidence for the existence of souls:

  Just because a 'soul' hasn't been discovered doesn't mean it doesn't exist. The fact that is hasn't been discovered in many many thousands of years of civilised human development must tell you how difficult it is to produce evidence - therefore asking for it from me is unreasonable. -- altheim
  
  

• A healthy fear of hell is probably one of the best things you can possibly instill in a person. -- Mr. GoodSalt
  
  

• In response to: Why do you believe what the bible says?

  Because it has contradiction. -- Tony Chan
  
  

• [Marital rape is] an oxymoron. -- Doug
  
  

• Genesis doens't have to be "scientifically accurate"; instead, science must be "genesis-accurate." For any scientific findings to be true, they must agree with Genesis - not the other way around. Any "scientific findings" that disagree with genesis are, by definition, in error, becuase Genesis is true. Scripture is the measuring stick, not stupid stuff that man thinks up. -- Chris C
  
  

• No one is really an atheist. They are just in denial, lying to themselves. In addition to a conscience, God also gave all humans the knowledge of His existence, with the proof in his creation. So those in denial choose to worship the creation instead of the creator, since they don't want to acknowledge His existence. -- Dennis Kikendall
  
  

• Bzzt. A god who can, by definition, supersede logic may be (logically!) be expected to exist despite being logically impossible. -- Tichy
  
  

• You condemn homosexuals, and obviously do NOT realize that ALL sex is earthly LUST and SIN and anyone who indulges in sex of ANY kind, even with marriage partners, will NOT see heaven. -- Dore
  
  

• Whether God really exists or not; whether the religion is theistic or not; religionists have been achieving permanent happiness for quite some time now. They simply just DON'T suffer, even when bad things happen to them. -- Bhakta Khang
  
  

• I do not have any hard evidence that my faith is baseless, but I have been pressured since early childhood to conform, and I have been taught that hellfire and damnation is everlasting, and that God and the saints are all that is good, and certainly my faith today is due to my long effort to be a good person and gain the approval of my parents, relatives, wife and others. Certainly any change in my position now would be met with disbelief and hostility, and it would also fill me with terror. -- Dave
  
  

• Gravity is not a belief. It is a fact - providing one is on the planet earth. -- Mousquetaire
  
  

• I have no need to read pro-atheist books - I believe the reverse of their premise. -- duke32
  
  

• Evidence is your master, not mine. -- Alan Wostenberg
  
  

• In response to: You're assuming your conclusion - that what Paul says is true because Paul says it.

  Well, yes of course. -- Caiaphas
  
  

• I approve of slavery and I would treat my slaves very nice. -- skii
  
  

• The ONLY reason you atheists don't believe in creation is that you don't believe in the Creator, and that's no reason. That's CIRCULAR reasoning, which you too often accuse creationists of. -- John W
  
  

• Let me make this as plain as I can to you. YOU ARE AN UNREASONING BEAST THAT IS FIT FOR ONLY ONE THING, THE SLAUGHTER. I PRAY THAT GOD WILL SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED BECAUSE WHEN I SAID BE BLESSED...YOU SAID NO THANKS. YOU DEFY GOD, AND YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME, SO LET SATAN HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU. IF GOD IS NOT WITH ME, THINGS WILL GO WELL WITH YOU, BUT IF HE IS WITH ME THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST A BIT OF RESPECT. I have no more to say to you. -- OneCalled
  
  

• My God is a forgiving God. The reason that is true is because I want it to be. -- News
  
  

• I'm glad you agree, but the point is that the claim that babies shouldn't be killed carries a burden of proof. -- Tichy
  
  

• talking about truth and such. If your goal is believing the truth you ought believe whatever happens to be true, whether or not it can be detected. -- keith
  
  

• Irrelevant!!! Even if you were to prove concusively that Christ never existed, we would still love Him and believe in Him. That's the way love and faith are... -- Pastor Frank
  
  

• You are such an idiot. If you are nice to someone, most often they will be nice to you. It therefore makes sense to be nice to people. -- Jim Scannell
  
  

• "You want Evidence? OK............. The truth of the matter is that the Bible tells us and the proof will be when He returns. Circular reasoning you may call it................Perhaps you are not allowed circular reasoning at University but the Bible is allowed to use it.. Why? Because the Bible is the Only writing that gives prophecies that will all come true..........." -- Bethzur
  
  

• Since my religion was the first true religion I can be sure that it is the true one. -- Tsarkon
  
  

• A huge part of the illeteratacy problem stems from the liberal agenda. -- Jeff Strickland
  
  

• I feel people in California,Japan,etc have a special hatred for God because they are stupid enough to build tall buildings in known earthquake zones, but that's off the subject. Natural disasters don't really bother me, it's like the earth going to the bathroom - it just has too happen. I'm not a scientific genious but how can you blame disease on God when we're the ones who pollute the earth, destroy the ozone, introduce vaccines which make disease more resistant, etc.? -- Greendream
  
  

• In response to: Why show your vast ignorance rooting around ancient books?

  You ask "Why?" I ask "Why not?" -- david ford
  
  

Quotes from various other places

• Gps sunshine: If God doesn’t exist how come He has The Bible?
  
  

• Chopin5281: If theres no hell how do you explain how the earth is full of lava?
  
  

• Loveaintnogame: What keeps the moon floating in the air if there is no god
  
  

• USANeedsJesusNow: Im not using my mind I just say whatever the bible says
  
  

• Katie Lied Me To: Nutrasweet contains chemicals that make your brainwave patterns more supsetable to satan
  
  

• UrbanJ3: There are only two people in recorded history who have returned from the dead - Jesus and Dracula
  
  

• GnosticWolf: You will be tortured by God and his angels forever amen praise God
  
  

• Lakers164: 3 words there is a God
  
  

• "Sort of strange how people say the Bible was fake, when the authors lived such a long time ago, fictional stories probably haven't been invented yet." - Faithful83, ChristianForums
  
  

• "We need to focus on Jesus, meditate on Jesus, set out minds on Jesus whenever even the slightest desire to have a sexual fantasy arises." - Sypher2k3
  
  

• [Replying to (paraphrased) 'why worship him then?'] "Because he can wipe you of the face of the earth without even a word." - Megachihuahua, ChristianForums
  
  

• "I know this sound stupid but how can you live in Israel and not believe in Jesus?" - twosid, ChristianForums
  
  

• "George Bush in 1991 passed legislation stating that the USA is based on the Noahide Laws. What happened to 'In God We Trust?' The Noahide laws make it illegal for anyone to worship Jesus (the Son of God), and those who do will be beheaded*. This law is already on the books, just wait till they decide to implement it." - SherryShriner, Armageddon Online Forums
  
  

• "Don't you see the natural progression? You can see it going backwards but not going forwards:
  Marriage is a union between a man and a woman of the same race and class arranged by their parents.
  Marriage is a union between a man and a woman of the same race and class.
  Marriage is a union between a man and a woman of the same race.
  Marriage is a union between a man and a woman.
  - WE ARE HERE -
  Marriage is a union between two people.
  Marriage is a union between people.
  Marriage is a union. (I'm implying that at this state animals are involved, but I want to keep the same form of decreasing the definition and therefore the meaning of marriage.)
  Marriage is meaningless.
  

  It isn't a slippery slope because the pattern of progression has already been demonstrated." - Sambo83, BlizzForums
  
  

• "African Americans also tend to be black which makes it easy to identify violent criminals. How convenient. God gave us a color-coded guide, almost as good as Bush's color-coded terror alert system." - Sambo83, BlizzForums
  
  

• "Masturbation will wreck you. It will destroy you. There can't be anything on earth that makes you feel more guilty, or anything that has to be kept as more of a secret, or something that's harder to cope with because you don't feel like you can tell anyone. I'm going on 14 months free of this horrifying disease. Praise Jesus, who set me free." - GPickypick, Christianity.com Forums
  
  

• "Satan and his demons are responsible for...: An animal behaving in a strange manner, being more friendly with you than normal, like a squirrel dancing with you, or an owl talking to you telepathically, or a spider or insect acting strangely with you or communicating telepathically, or seeing birds or animals appear frequently that have some symbolic meaning to you." - Doxy_Brown, Christianity.com Forums
  
  

• "Sorry I am really not up with all this, but have you ever looked out in to space, I think they can look real far now, have you ever seen any other sun out there, I have not hear about one being found, well how in the world do thoses stars just keep on shining, how come there are even there if they have to have a Sun to exist, there are lots of stars out there with not much sun light if any or could it be that God was the first light." - MinDach, ChristianForums
  
  

• do you have any evidence that shows homosexuality doesnt cause cancer, break up families or lead to drug use???? no because it doesnt exist! we know all the risks associated with it(plus its gross) and we know that Leviticus tells us God is strongly against it. and before anyone uses other leviticus quotes to show other "sins" like eating shrimp, let me say that those dont count and are completely different because they are not GROSS - AngryNotice, Christian Forums
  
  

• "When we die, it has been scientifically proven that each one of us, regardless of size loses exactly 21 grams. Why? It is not air or bodily fluids[...] air in the lungs does not even remotely weigh 21 grams. (Soul maybe?)" - 4Jesus4ever, ChristianForums
  
  

• "If truth be told, Judaism (Christianity) is the oldest religion known to man." - 4Jesus4ever, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Okay, seriously, I don't know why I even care. You all know there is a God, deep down you know. You all know that the right God is Jesus, so whatever." - Disciple 3, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Also, someone in South Africa had his eye grow back in front of thousands of people, lots of similar things have happened as well.How do you explain all of the modern miracles that happened in front of lots of eye witnesses inc. non believers" - JC forever, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Men don't wear dresses (apart from a few sickos) so why should females wear pants? It's a sin! Most women today are transvestites and abominations. [...] So please dress like a man if you are a man and dress like a woman if you are woman and stop flaunting your satanic lifestyle and defiance of God. Thanks." - XenonII, Perspectives.com
  
  

• I fail to see how "glyphosate" resistant weeds is an arguement FOR evolution. I do not even know what glyphosate is so how can that be evidence for anything. - JohnR7, Christian Forums
  
  

• If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right." - AV1611VET, Christian Forums
  
  

• "One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it." - awesomestnerd, SmashBoards
  
  

• "pastor; bondage is demonic, sodomy is missing the mark. sodomy is what sodomoties did and they got nuked by god for it. bondage is a hallmark of deviant behavior usually resulting in even worse things like murder. asking how is bondage immoral is like asking how drinking urine is immoral. some things should be obvious" - jessedance, ChristianForums
  
  

• "[On homosexuality being a condition one is born with] Just because you are born a certain way doesn't meant that is the way you have to be. Some people are born Asian, but through surgeries and counseling they can change." - propaneharry
  
  

• "No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims." - Trinidad and Tobago, CARM
  
  

• "If you look at DNA is it made up of letters. Words are also made up of letters. So DNA shows us how the word becomes flesh. How letters take on a physical appearance and become a part of the physical world. [...] Oh, they tried using numbers, but it did not work. They had to assign letter to the different chemical that make up life." - JohnR7, Christian Forums
  
  

• Every female, beginning at the age of thirteen, completed at age eighteen, should receive training on how to be supportive, submissive wives to their future husbands. This would effectively rid society of feminism, which is nothing but psychological terrorism. - Brent, Christian Forums
  
  

• "pastor; handcuffs made of fur are just the first step down the road to more perversion. like marrijuana leads to harder drugs. the devil is slick . he takes you down the road to deestruction step by step.... when i was a kid all the girls wore dresses andd skirts , they all looked like women, today your not a liberated woman unless you look like a man.first it was pedal pushers, then it was slacks then blue jeans , then short hair, then burr hair cuts. step by step down the road to destruction." - jessedance, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Is their anywhere in the bible that says how long a ladies fingernails are to be? I choose to wear mine short. Long fingernails gte in the way of my work. But,is it wrong for me to have short nails?" - milady, The Good News Café
  
  

• "i dont know if any of you know much about Mother Theresa, but she prayed and prayed for God to send someone to India who would help to cure disease, mainly AIDS. She prayed on three seperate occasions, and all three times God replied that the person he sent was aborted." -- Maria, myspace forums
  
  

• "Which of these six things that the 'Lord hates' (A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren [Proverbs 6:16-19]) doesn't apply to abortionists and homosexuals?" - Eric, Robert Baral's Christian Crusade Board
  
  

• "...if you're not praying for a husband already, immediately begin to pray consistently, that the LORD would give you a good husband. Pray in detail, above all requesting that the LORD would send you a husband with a heart after God's own heart, a man that is consecrated and steadfast in His walk with Jesus, etc. Then, upon marriage, do not 'wait', as so many people in this age and society foolishly do, to receive conception from the Lord. Pray that the LORD would bless you to conceive on your honeymoon. Doing what a woman's body is designed to do, carry, birth and nurse babies, seems to go a long way in calming a woman's body." - emptyvessel, BibleForums.org
  
  

• [Replying to "Can a man rape his wife...?"] "No, by definition. Rape assumes that a woman's body belongs solely to herself. In marriage, her body belongs to her husband, thus removing the fundamental stipulation for rape." - Rising Tree, ChristianForums
  
  

• "However, the rules work entirely differently in each case. A serial rapist has no ownership over the woman's body; her husband does. Now before you cry chauvinism, realize that the same works true in reverse--the woman owns her husband's body. This means that the wife has every right to say 'no' as long as she says 'yes' enough." - Rising Tree, ChristianForums
  
  

• "About Creation was written in the Bible very clearly. And not lnly about it. There were written about other scientific facts also.. Einshtein guessed 'Relativity' from the Bible. I guess you don't know this." - orange, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Vinnie accused me of circular reasoning in concluding that the Bible is a work of non-fiction. My reasoning is not at all circular, I felt that I was pretty clear. First, I presume the verity of the Biblical writers. Second, the writers claim that they were inspired by God and they are recording the truth. Conclusion, the Bible is a work of non-fiction." - RobertLW, Internet Infidels
  
  

• [After Zanzibar criminalizes and adds a 25 year sentence for male homosexuality]
  "What a breath of fresh air!" - Blemonds, TheologyWeb
  
  

• "HAHAHA! I dont depend on logic. You do, and that is why people use it to try and prove God to you. You could prove God did not exist and still not waiver me." - Acolyte, ChristianForums
  
  

• "Memories: How the heck do you think that an organism could evolve a memory. You cant, and I can't believe that it's so casually overlooked by soooo many people. You cant evolve the ability to remember farther back in the past." - Darklighter, Star Wars TCG Board
  
  

• "Ah, a flaw in the little evolution theory. If we so-called evolved from monkeys and God does not exist, where do monkeys come from? This is another way we can tell evolution is a lie..." - Grand Moff Nicodemus Fett, Star Wars TCG Board
  
  

• "Dragons however are not fanciful things. There is one verse in the old testament that speaks of such a creature... But the other verses that speak of a dragon in the old testament is known as Leviathen(SP), aka Satan, that old serpent, etc. Unicorns are not fanciful either." - AV1611, Baptist.org Board
  
  

• "Humanists are vainly trying to suppress recent archaeological finds. The evidence in support of a relatively young earth is piling up against them. It is unfortunate too. It saddens me to see people refuse to believe whats right in front of them." - powderman, Baptist.org Board
  
  

• "In a book i read, a young woman was raped as a girl. a person asks why god would let that happen to her, and a young man replies that while the rapist was meant for the girl's destruction, she was now able to counsel women who were also raped, and in turn save many people from self harm. you see? god works like that." - SilenceBroken, Dance.net Forums
  
  

• "Homosexuals SEEK to pervert all children. Their (the homosexuals') desire is to corrupt "ALL" children beginning with their perverted hope to have a sick and twisted form of sexual intercourse with them and if they can't have that then their next mission is to pervert their little minds and thinking with the type of terminological inexactitude that is so prevalent within the halls of America's public schools." - Eric, Robert Baral's Christian Crusade
  
  

• "I agree that it is a LIE that the world is overpopulated. 1/6 of the world's population lives in India. It's my understanding that we can fit the entire world's population into the state of Texas. African people are starving simply because they are too superstitious to use their resources - to eat certain animals. If we would just educate them and give them the tools to utilize all their abundant resources, they would be just fine." - Grow with God, RaptureReady
  
  

• "I think baldness is related to having a haughty spirit or arrogance." - JohnR7, ChristianForums
  
  

• "As for the not using condoms thing, listen closely: Condoms...do...not....stop....AIDS. They never have, they never will. In fact, they do not stop ANY STDs! It came out in a study last year, that it was all a lie that they stopped anything except the chances of new life, at all!!" - Specter, MFN Forums
  
  

• BibliaO : Furthermore, if we extrapolate backward for several billion years, the centrifugal force would have been so great that the continents would have been sent to the equatorial regions
  
  

• girlnextdoor333 : alright my small brain says this: if we have evoled like everything else..... then turtles would speak french and wed be far behind the animals because humans havent had as much time as they have
  
  

• createdheme : you all have ben lead astray by a(Nooffence)coministicatheist that needed to dispell God
  
  

• dead_jedi_ : how come we can hear screams from hell only a few miles down
  Guest_jaime_8_5 : yes ppl have heard them
  
  

• godlovesorange: As mentioned in the Christian Magazine, raising the dead is a graduation component in the South African Christian College, and people graduate every day. It is well documented. [paraphrase, I lost the original post]
  
  

• iamsettled4truth : No the bible unfortunately for you is absolutely true. But really without the bible there would be no knowledge. In nations that have no bible there is no need for patent offices.
  
  

• SilentlyLoud_1 : ÆsthêtîcDêmôñ evolution theory is not stable ......one minute life was created from the oceans and the next minute we are frm monkeys
  
  

• Îñvísìßlë_Mâñ : Darwin came up with his THEORY as a prank. he later recanted
  
  

• justtravelingthrough : science shows no life outside the earth except GOD and angels
  
  

• lizzy_dizzy_34 : i am not into evoulution i find it to boring must have a excitement
  
  

• firewarrior2010: for one drawin was nazi and ran with a group of them
  firewarrior2010: in his time
  
  

• Zionforever : just take a look at the universe, there are no pillars holding the sky, and the sky never fall!. something is holding it. and that's GOD's power
  
  

• Major_Mal_Function : universities are infested with commie viewqs and athiesm and every vile thing u can think of
  
  

• TriftierFugu : c-14 is accurate if you can prove that 100% of all matter is carbon
  
  

• waffleo_o : maybe you are too dim to realuise that being logical and rational is a sin and that only belief in god will save you
  
  

• jenna_disguised_blonde : men have 50 ribs and women have 51, doctors do support it
  
  

• floppygato : ya well have u ever checked out the chances of a cell dividing perfectly billions of times to form earth?
  floppygato : look don't u guys got common sence? not everything is all scientific
  
  

• 5petros5 : it has been researched by the scientific world that a full grown mature chicken is required to develop an egg, thereby rendering the theory of evolutinists null , simply becasue of the fact that you have to have an egg to have a chicken!
  
  

• DA_BIG_SHARK: Have you ever thought how ur heart beats billions of times without any energy source and then one day stops.
  DA_BIG_SHARK: H God only makes ur heart beat....not anything else.
  
  

• ¬mario : Speciaction is a farce, propogated and elaborated to great lengths in these end times by the nefarious Father of all decrepetude, Satan, under contract of ten million billion legion of minion.
  
  

• mikela66 : ondoher how do explain pictures of dinosaurs taken as recent as the 1970's
  
  

• rockCHRISTrolled : The demons CARVED the dinosaur bones; this was all the first step in a vast conspiracy of Satan to cover up the existence of God.... after a good long while he tied it all into the theory of today known as evolution. This is one tragedy that will quicken time and hasten the coming of the Lord of Judgement.
  
  

• SonjaMiddleton : dinosaurs died in the great flood Noah didnt want them on the Ark, would you? honestly
  
  

• theifoncross : archeologists have tried to prove for decades that the bible is wrong..but all they ever do is find more and more evidence that it is exactly right
  
  

• "The entire universe could be destroyed by a meteor." - Godlovingirlie
  
  

• "Most white people can get seriously mutated by just 5 hours of constant direct sunlight." [James Conwell]
  
  

• "yet the Resus monkey can hold a conversation in English once his vocal cords are alterd" [sic, sic, and sic: James Conwell]
  
  

• "So, how come there are no "talking snakes" nowadays?" ... "Because you are not righteous enough to hear them talk." [Raoul Newton]
  
  

• "I predict/prophecy in Jesus name that: John F. Kennedy will publicly reappear, amaze the world, and is in fact the "beast" of the Revelation." [John Prewett]
  
  

• "I know it isn't the fetus's fault, but the mother shouldn't have had an abortion if she didn't want the baby to go to hell." [Jim Staal]
  
  

• "Take a hard look at the Grand Canyon. Try to explain that through evolution." [Freddie Cash]
  
  

• "I know another preacher who, along with his church, prayed that the LORD would help a pot of noodles last through a social dinner, not only did they last, not only did several take home a container full of noodles, but the containers always stayed full. Finally, they had to throw them out, after thanking the LORD of course." [Jerry Randall]
  
  

Quotes from various famous and influential people

• "As a professional psychiatrist, I say that the height of bliss comes with the end of the countdown: ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. And then, you press the button to blow yourself up."

  -- Dr. 'Adel Sadeq, chairman of the Arab Psychiatrists Association and head of the Department of Psychiatry at 'Ein Shams University in Cairo
  
  

• A person who is guided by God will never be misguided by anyone. -- Osama Bin Laden
  
  

• The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

  -- Pat Robertson (Host of Christian News and talk show "The 700 Club", founder and president of the American Center for Law and Justice, candidate for the Republican nomination for President of the United States in 1988)
  
  

• "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'" -- Rev. Jerry Falwell, commenting on 9/11
  
  

• I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God. -- Former US President George Bush, Sr
  
  

Brice Wellington quotes

For several years in the 90's, Brice was one of the most active theists posting on alt.atheism and talk.origins. He deserves his own section.

• Its a common fact that all jews have a love of money. -- 5-27-93
  
  

• I never said that spanking your wife would lead to anything but a happy home. -- 5-01-95
  
  

• Its safe to say every dark is a black and light is a white, anything else is mongolian. -- 01-16-95
  
  

• I am English and have Black Hair and blue eyes, almost perfect. -- 01-18-95
  
  

• Don't Masturbate. It's a no-no and can cause rape, insanity, or bodily damage.
  
  

• We are under grace and GOD doesn't work like that anymore, but if GOD told me to kill I would in a second.
  
  

• There is no real proof galaxies collide and maybe GOD is putting on a show when he makes an empty planet (star) explode. So long as its not the earth don't let it bother you.
  
  

• You allergies are a result of sin, all sickness including your summer cold is a result of sin. Your cold like your eyesight is a result of sin. You may not know all your family tree, who does, but somewhere your reletives did something to bring the curse of bad eyesight to your family.
  
  

• In response to: Brice, the world did not exist at the time of the big bang.

  Not as we know it, but the earth was here, probably bigger in size. It was the earth itself that went BANG.
  
  

• In response to: Do all animals go to heaven?

  Nothing on earth living evaporates or desolves for good, insects and the like all go to Hell to torment.
  
  

• In response to: How do you know Elvis is in heaven?

  I saw him.
  
  

• He's also said that "masturbation is mass murder, because every single sperm is equipped with its very own soul", that "a child should be told no facts about its sexual anatomy until it is eighteen years old", that a husband should be legally permitted to spank his wife for disciplinary purposes, that female masturbation could cause the woman's yet unconceived children to be homosexual or have "down Syndrom" [sic], that breast cancer is caused by allowing men to "play with or nibble" the breasts, and that he and his wife had sex only "under the covers and no peeking".
  
  

• However, my favorite Brice quote came from the talk.origins newsgroup. After he'd annoyed the people there for a while, they made a poll about him:

  Since Brice seems to be signing off, this would be a good time to present the poll results. The choices, with their tally, were (cue Oscar music):

  1) A troller....................................... 9.5
  2) A pathetic and reality-impaired fanatic........ 13.5
  3) Other........................................... 1
  Total: 24
  

  The ".5" is Julie Stalhut's fault -- you'll have to ask her to explain it ;-). "Other" was provided by Darby South, who guessed that Brice was a Muslim or atheist trying to make Christians look stupid.

  So, Brice, if you're having us on, the you've had a success rate of 56%. I don't know if you consider that a successful joke or not. And if you're for real, you make your arguments SO badly, that fully 44% think you're joking. And my own opinion is that, if you're serious, then you're mentally ill and should *immediately* put yourself under the care of a competent psychiatrist.

  So what did Brice reply? Well, he looked at the three alternatives - "troller", "fanatic" and "other" - and wrote: "I tell you in the name of Jesus its none of the above."

Other stories

• What is your favourite piece of unsubstantiated hogwash from a theist? Mine would have to be from a Jehovah's Witness I knew - "The dinosaurs were put here by God to trample down the forests to make way for humans."
  
  

• "swill" says - A good friend of mine is Baptist. Here's her idea on the subject of dinosaurs:
  "God created dinosaurs when he created man. But he kept them on one side of the earth while he kept Adam and Eve on the other side. Then he killed off all of the dinosaurs and hurled their bodies to the other side of the planet, tilting the planet on its axis. And that's why the earth revolves around the sun - the impact from God's dinosaurs tilted earth into its rotation."
  
  

• Mine would have to be the "If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me." I thought it was just a joke, until Brice promulgated it as well.
  
  

• Here's a rather revolting example: This came up in a discussion about the American wars against the Indians in the 19th century. It was said that it was a good thing that all those Indians were killed; otherwise, all those children would have grown up, died, and gone to hell.
  
  

• I received this amusing anecdote from CbarneyRPH :
  After my father died, my devout Roman Catholic mother was in a habit of having masses said for him, to erase his venial sins and get him out of Purgatory faster. We lived in a small town on the US/Canadian border. One day she said she was driving over to a monastery just across the border in Canada. Unfortunately I inquired "why?" She proceeded to tell me the Canadian dollar was worth less than the American dollar. She could buy five masses (at a dollar each) in Canada for what she paid for three masses in the US. More masses = more graces = Dad gets out of Purgatory earlier. By the way, how much is your going rate for masses for the deceased in the UK ? Do the graces fluctuate daily with the exchange rate ? If it's a bargain I'll tell mom.
  
  

• From Damien Gillings, via email:
  "In a issue of Ride magazine(freestyle bmx) in the letter of the month section the mother of a 13 year old reader claims that the publication is satanic because in an interview with a rider in a previous edition the guy being interviewed put down "no religion" in the space for religious belief. She believed her son would go to hell for reading that someone else had no religion!"
  
  

• From deebate:
  I almost hate to tell this on my very sweet, but very innocent, aunt. One night we were outside and I was pointing out the various stars and saying about how far away they were. She was amazed and having the time of her life until, suddenly, she got a frown on her face and asked, "But then, where is heaven?"
  
  

• This was recent--only a couple of days ago, in response to the unusual amount of rain we have experienced here in the southeast U.S.

  While standing in line in an license plate agency, the two people in line behind me were discussing--in absolute seriousness, I swear (or affirm)-- that the volume of rain was god's sign of displeasure at the space shuttle for approaching too close to heaven. The logic being that the farther in to space we go, the closer we get to bumping into heaven, an actual physical place in space, and the rain would keep the shuttle grounded. They even went so far as to ponder aloud just exactly how far into space heaven was and how long it takes to get there when one dies.

  I suppose god felt that simply grounding the shuttle with a blinding flash of raw godly might would be, well, showing off.

  As Dave Barry often says--I am not making this up. I swear. Not wanting to be rude, I had to actually look away to keep from laughing. neil
  
  

• [reported in various newspapers, around 11 January 2001]

  Militant Muslim youths set at least 40 hotels and bars ablaze in the Nigerian city of Maiduguri after blaming Tuesday's lunar eclipse on "the activity of sinners".

  A youth leader in the nearby town of Barma said: "The immoral acts committed in these places are responsible for this eclipse."
  
  

• Hi, I'm a sinner and I'm going straight to hell! Or so I was told today in a Christian chat room. My crime? Murder? Adultery? Coveting my neighbors livestock? Or whatever the other 7 Comandments are? Nope.

  I'm going to hell for having a vasectomy.

  The topic was the evils of abortion and fornication (yeah in a born again chatroom what were the odds?) and the topic turned to how evil contraception such as IUD's, the pill and RU486 are. I foolishly piped in because no contraceptive is 100% effective and because of our ages my wife and I didn't want another child so I opted for a vasectomy.

  Over a dozen people attacked me for having the procedure done, some with the most un-Christian of language. "You a have defied God's word and mutilated your body just so you can satisfy your lustful urges!" was a more or less typical response. I laughed my so hard I nearly fell out of my chair, but the episode does raise some questions. Namely when did the uber-xians make the jump from abortion being evil to contraception being evil? What's next? Will celibecy become evil? Second I thought sex within the bounds of a "traditional marrage" was okay? But sex within marrage after a minor medical procedure is now "lustful urges?" Anyone have a clue what their logic is on this?

  If anyone else has had conversations this weird with Xians please post them, money can't buy entertainment like this.

  Stephen
  
  

• I had a conversation with a Christian lady where I work yesterday. I asked her if she believed in Hell - yes. Is Hell eternal - yes. Are the people there in torment forever - yes. If you're not saved you will go there - yes. Then I said "So I guess all the Jews that the Nazis killed during WWII are there right now? " "Yes." And this was said without hesitation, and without the slightest bit of compassion, just like she was discussing the weather. Sad? Pathetic? Typical?

  Disgusting to me.

  Dave
  
  

• I have a Darwin fish on my truck and it is not uncommon for it to be ripped off the bumper. I usually order them 5 at a time. My friend had hers ripped off her bumper too, and once had a note on her windshield that read something like: "So you like Darwin? You'll get to meet him in Hell when you die!"
  
  

• My mate's wife, a JW, wanted to know : If dinosaurs lived so long ago, how come we know their names?

  I did laugh... It was not received well.

  We managed to persuade her that it was man that gave the animals, extinct or living, their names. She then remembered that it was Adam. So far as I know, she still thinks that Adam spoke Latin.
  
  

• Your humble etnographer, wearing his Hammer of Thor as usual, was approached in a railway wagon by an American Christian who cautiously questioned him about this adornment. The questions quickly took on the character of accusations of disbelief in the Christian religion, and with these suspicions confirmed, the good Christian promptly declared that if we met in the street, he would beat me up. The old ladies around us cheered the apostle on and threw in supporting comments of the type "Yes, I'm a Christian too!" and "That's right!". But perhaps some of them were just afraid of being beaten up by any Christians present if they showed lack of zeal.
  
  

• From Kali
  His logic for believing in god: "It's in the bible!" I said, "If the bible proves God exists, then comics prove marmaduke exists." His reply: "Comics weren't written back then!" Hes a whacko.....newly converted too
  
  

• From Pete The Hamster:
  While I was away I decided to take Pot and Andy to Ocean city for Easter, and we met a delightful cousin-in-law who was, to put it kindly, a bit "slow". We invited her to dinner and she offered to say the prayer, and Pot said, "You can pray if you want to, Patty, but we don't believe in any gods, so please don't hold it against us if we don't join you." Patty required an explanation, of course, and after a few minutes of, "Well, who do you think made all THIS?", etc., she loudly proclaimed,"Well, you don't believe in Jesus, or God or anything? You're a bunch of damn *DEMOCRATS*!" Pot replied,"Don't you mean *atheists*?", poorly concealing her amusement. Patty asked, "What's that?"
  
  

• From Hume-anist:
  Funniest conversation I've ever had with a Muslim (I'm remembering rather than transcribing from tape, but I swear this was the gist of it)...
  Muslim: All other religions that worship idols are wrong.
  Hume: In what way?
  M: They bow down to lumps of rock. Can't you see that's wrong?
  H: And when *you* pray, what do *you* pray to?
  M: We pray to Allah!
  H: So since Allah is everywhere, it doesn't matter which way you face?
  M: We must face Mecca.
  H: And if you're *in* Mecca, which way do you face?
  M: We face the Ka'abah
  H: And what *is* the Ka'abah?
  M: It's this huge rock...