Common arguments for God's existence

Common arguments for God's existence, as paraphrased by atheists.

• COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
  (1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
  (2) I say the universe must have a cause.
  (3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
  (1) I can conceive of a perfect God.
  (2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
  (1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?
  (2) Only God could have made them so complex.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
  (1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
  (2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
  (1) My aunt had cancer.
  (2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
  (3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
  (1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
  (1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
  (2) That all changed once I became religious.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
  (1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
  (2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
  (1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
  (2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
  (1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
  (1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
  (1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
  (2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
  (1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
  (2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
  (3) I propose that God exists.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
  (1) God exists.
  (2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
  (1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
  (1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
  (2) This is just what Satan intended.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
  (1) Person X died an Atheist.
  (2) He now realizes his mistake.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
  (1) God loves you.
  (2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
  (1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
  (1) God is everywhere.
  (2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
  (1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
  (1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
  (2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
  (1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
  (2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
  (3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
  (4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
  (5) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
  (1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
  (2) No Atheist has ever met this challenge.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
  (1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
  (2) Therefore, it must be true
  (3) Therefore, God exists

• ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
  (1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or God exists.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY
  (1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY
  (1) I have proof that God exists.
  (2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being Atheists, you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM
  (1) I'm going to prove to you that God exists.
  (2) [insert any of the other arguments on this page in here]
  (3) [Atheist refutes argument]
  (4) I cannot prove there is a God anymore than anyone of us can prove we really exist in a tangible world.
  (5) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (I), aka Metacrock's Argument
  (1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
  (2) One of them is probably true.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS
  (1) It is impossible to disprove God with your puny human intellect unless you are above God.
  (2) Are you higher than God?
  (3) I’ll take that puzzled look on your face as a no.
  (4) Therefore, God (being the highest thing ever) exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TOUNGES
  (1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
  (2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
  (3) The only explanation is God.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY
  (1) Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe believed in God.
  (2) Let’s just forget about the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM
  (1) I don't know and you don't know either.
  (2) Therefore, God exists

• ARGUMENT FROM MARTYRDOM
  (1) The apostles would not have died for something they knew wasn't true.
  (2) [Atheist gives examples of martyrs outside Christendom.]
  (3) Obviously those examples were fooled by Satan.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF DISPROOF
  (1) You can't prove God doesn't exist!
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EYEWITNESS (I)
  (1) You weren't there to witness abiogenisis/big bang/etc.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
  (1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM FOOLISHNESS
  (1) The Bible says Atheists are fools.
  (2) I don't want to be a fool.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• REID’S ARGUMENT
  (1) You assume that your senses are reliable even though you can’t prove it.
  (2) That means I get to assume anything I want.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (I)
  (1) I believe that if God exists, there will be no evidence for his existence
  (2) There is no evidence for the existence of God.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (I)
  (1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
  (2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MASS MURDER
  (1) Stalin was an Atheist.
  (2) He murdered millions of people.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM SHAME
  (1) The Bible showed a group of people performing embarassing actions.
  (2) It must be true if the book describes negative events.
  (3) The Bible is describing historical events.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL GOT FAITH
  (1) We all believe in something.
  (2) Therefore we all have faith.
  (3) My faith in God is no different from your faith that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
  (1) If I don't believe God exists, I'll go to Hell.
  (2) Please don't hurt me.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS
  (1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
  (2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
  (3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.
  (4) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM COINCIDENCE
  (1) We were driving home with our youth pastor when it started to rain really hard outside.
  (2) We pulled over to the side of the road, joined hands and asked gawd to deliver us home safely.
  (3) We arrived home safely.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM COMFORT
  (1) All kinds of people have found comfort in religion.
  (2) That means there must be something there to give comfort to them.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM EXILSTENTIALISIC LONELINESS
  (1) This can't be all there is to existence.
  (2) I mean it's so horrible, pointless, brutal and nasty.
  (3) It's all so depressing.
  (4) I'm lonely.
  (5) There has to be something else out there.
  (6) I mean it, there just has to be.
  (7) THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE!
  (8) AGGGRRG!!! THERE JUST HAS TO BE!!!!
  (9) God! He can be out there for me.
  (10) I'm not so lonely now!
  (11) Yay!
  (12) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
  (1) I couldn't imagine not believing in God.
  (2) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED
  (1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream intellectuals
  (2) Only a fear of the truth could explain this.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED
  (1) Mainstream intellectuals are paying some attention to Dembski, Behe and Plantinga.
  (2) Only a growing recognition of the truth could explain this.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE
  (1) You claim the evidence for Jesus' divinity is non-existent.
  (2) But if there was lots of evidence, you would still not be convinced.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM UNSEEN MIRACLES
  (1) Atheists wouldn't believe in God even if He showed up and performed a miracle for them.
  (2) See! There was a miracle right over there! Didn't you see it?
  (3) No?
  (4) You must be an Atheist. Therefore, you cannot see miracles.
  (5) But miracles happen. You just can't see them.
  (6) Likewise, God exists. You just can't see Him, because you are so determined not to.
  (7) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM ABUSING THE BODY
  (1) One time, I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees for hours, and didn't sleep, either.
  (2) At the end of that time, God answered me.
  (3) You see, you just have to mortify the flesh and accept the things of the spirit in order to meet God.
  (4) No, there is no possibility that it was a hallucination!
  (5) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC
  (1) There are some things in logic that you can't logically demonstrate.
  (2) Therefore you have to take them on faith.
  (3) Your faith in logic is the same as my faith in God.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY
  (1) Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who only claim to be Real Christians.
  (2) They just give Real Christians a bad name.
  (3) Real Christians don't believe <insert Biblical reference> is literally true.
  (4) But that doesn't mean the Bible isn't still mostly true.
  (5) And the Bible is the Word of God.
  (6) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
  (1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel'l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable raeding.
  (2) [Atheist doesn't bother to read it]
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION
  (1) The Bible says that everyone knows God exists.
  (2) Therefore, YOU know that God exists.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
  (1) Satan is bad.
  (2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR
  (1) Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.
  (2) When I do something good this PROVES that God, my Guardian Angel etc. are helping me to be good.
  (3) Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Oh God help me to be strong and steadfast against temptation 'til I die so that You God will not in Your infinite mercy, send me to Hell.
  (4) When I do something bad this PROVES that the Devil has tempted me to do EVIL.
  (5) Whatever I do it proves that either God or the Devil is real.
  (6) Therefore, God exists.

• "TRUE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT" ARGUMENT
  (1) If the Bible were cooked up by some smooth-talking manipulative authors, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies.
  (2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at many places
  (3) So the Bible is NOT a product of some smooth-talking manipulative authors.
  (4) Hence the Bible is the word of God.
  (5) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
  (1) Doesn't it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?
  (2) Well, doesn't it?
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
  (1) Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.
  (2) Can you PROVE He was a liar or lunatic?
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP
  (1) Dictators do not believe in God.
  (2) Dictators are wrong.
  (3) Therefore, God exists.

• ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (III) (recursive internet edition)
  (1) There exists a web page (http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm)
  (2) That page has hundreds of purported proofs of the existence of God.
  (3) They can't all be wrong.
  (4) Therefore, God exists.